Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Blogging on a Blackberry

I have been slacking on my blogging lately, and by slacking, I mean completely just not doing it. This is usually the part of my entry where I sit here and give me excuses for not blogging, but I won't waste my time because noone reads this blog but myself.

Where am I? I am everywhere. I am in your house, I am with the man watching you from a tree outside of your bathroom window, I am with the restroom attendant who takes unjustified pride in his job, I am everywhere. Actually, I am sitting in New York in Schaeberle theatre rehearsing for our show, "The Last Days of Judas Iscariot," in which I play Uncle Pino. Uncle Pino may very well be the most important character in the show. I say one line and sit in the jury the entire time. I am playing an old drunk, and I am going to sit around and sneak sips of my empty Pino Grigio bottle when no one is looking. Really, I make the show. Without me just mindlessly zoning out after stating my one line, would there really be a show? I think not. I am also the understudy for Caiaphas the Elder, and get two performances as him. He is one of the pivitol scenes in act 2, but still, he's got nothing on Uncle Pino.

In preparation for the show, we are not allowed to shave or get a haircut. What does this mean for me? I'd say that at the moment I resemble a homeless person. Instead of looking like a college student, I more so resemble someone with a lazy eye who'd hit you up for change on the subway. Really, I guess I'm just preparing for when I graduate.

I need a job. Life is hard without a job, expecially when you have an extreme obsession with cocaine and cheap hookers. It gets expensive. Coincidentally, this habit has dug me into an even deeper hole, as now I have about 15 child support checks to send out a month. From little Shaniquawayway to big toothless Superfly, I love all of my children equally, regardless of their race, gender, or lack of limbs. I do need a job though. I'm hopefully going to Ireland next semester and they won't let me into the country unless I have 1500 euros in my account by the time I get there.

Speaking of Ireland, has anyone ever wondered how Leprechauns get their gold? They must either be drug dealers or pimps. Have you ever seen a leprechaun working a normal job? Have you ever seen a leprechaun at all? I wonder if Irish midgets ever get mistaken for leprechauns. If I were an Irish midget, I would wear a top have with little black shoes and all that, and pretend to be a leprechaun. Although, again. People would probably be trying to hit me up for hoes and drugs. For real, what else could they do? Be pro wrestlers? I think not. Would you ever buy a car from a leprechaun? Hell no, they'd probably leave rotting cereal in the back seat. Well, I plan on capturing one when I go to Ireland, so I'll be sure to ask him directly.

Well, that's it for now everyone. I've sent my application off to Ireland, so we'll see if I am accepted. I better start getting used to corned beef and cabbage now. At least I don't have to put up with snakes.