Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Where am I? I am everywhere. I am in your house, I am with the man watching you from a tree outside of your bathroom window, I am with the restroom attendant who takes unjustified pride in his job, I am everywhere. Actually, I am sitting in New York in Schaeberle theatre rehearsing for our show, "The Last Days of Judas Iscariot," in which I play Uncle Pino. Uncle Pino may very well be the most important character in the show. I say one line and sit in the jury the entire time. I am playing an old drunk, and I am going to sit around and sneak sips of my empty Pino Grigio bottle when no one is looking. Really, I make the show. Without me just mindlessly zoning out after stating my one line, would there really be a show? I think not. I am also the understudy for Caiaphas the Elder, and get two performances as him. He is one of the pivitol scenes in act 2, but still, he's got nothing on Uncle Pino.
In preparation for the show, we are not allowed to shave or get a haircut. What does this mean for me? I'd say that at the moment I resemble a homeless person. Instead of looking like a college student, I more so resemble someone with a lazy eye who'd hit you up for change on the subway. Really, I guess I'm just preparing for when I graduate.
I need a job. Life is hard without a job, expecially when you have an extreme obsession with cocaine and cheap hookers. It gets expensive. Coincidentally, this habit has dug me into an even deeper hole, as now I have about 15 child support checks to send out a month. From little Shaniquawayway to big toothless Superfly, I love all of my children equally, regardless of their race, gender, or lack of limbs. I do need a job though. I'm hopefully going to Ireland next semester and they won't let me into the country unless I have 1500 euros in my account by the time I get there.
Speaking of Ireland, has anyone ever wondered how Leprechauns get their gold? They must either be drug dealers or pimps. Have you ever seen a leprechaun working a normal job? Have you ever seen a leprechaun at all? I wonder if Irish midgets ever get mistaken for leprechauns. If I were an Irish midget, I would wear a top have with little black shoes and all that, and pretend to be a leprechaun. Although, again. People would probably be trying to hit me up for hoes and drugs. For real, what else could they do? Be pro wrestlers? I think not. Would you ever buy a car from a leprechaun? Hell no, they'd probably leave rotting cereal in the back seat. Well, I plan on capturing one when I go to Ireland, so I'll be sure to ask him directly.
Well, that's it for now everyone. I've sent my application off to Ireland, so we'll see if I am accepted. I better start getting used to corned beef and cabbage now. At least I don't have to put up with snakes.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
It's a little bare in these pictures, but I have put up a lot more stuff since taking them.
Hey, you can't do that!
Why can't I?
Because, I just shot you in the head.
So you can't just get back up after I shot you in the head.
Because you have a big gaping hole.
There's blood gushing everywhere.
You should be dead.
Yeah, isn't that a bitch?
How about I shoot you again?
You could do that, but it wouldn't be very nice.
Of course it's not very nice, I'm trying to kill you!
So yeah, those are the kinds of things that we do. It's a lot of fun, and it really forces you to think creatively, and fast. That's as much as I could write in one minute, but I am sure as time go forward, I'll be able to think even more spontaneously. I'm actually going to give you one more of the assignments that we had. At the end of class, she had us write dialogue between two characters. What we had to do, was write dialogue between two characters. They were driving in a warm car while it was raining outside. One turns to the other and begins to say something, but then stops. We had to pick it up from there. This is what I wrote.
We talked it over, we both agreed that this is the best choice for us right now.
I know, but don't you feel like we could be making a mistake? This one little thing is going to completely change our lives forever.
We don't have the money to care for it.
So you're talking about him like he's an object?
Don't you dare say that. I can't believe you.
Well I can't believe your choice of words just then.
I'd prefer to not humanize it. I just don't want to think of it as a living creature.
You really are a piece of work, you know that?
Oh come on.
No seriously. You know what? This is sick. This is something that's going to be with us our entire lives, and you just want to brush it off like it's nothing.
I'm not brushing it off like it's nothing. WE DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY. This was the best plan.
The best plan shouldn't involve having to ending a life.
I'm not happy about it, so can you please just stop blaming me? Do you think I'm proud of this? I've woken myself up at nights just sweating thinking about it. I really wish that we could keep him. You have no idea what it's like for me. I've never had to deal with this situation before.
Look, I'm sorry. Maybe it was the best idea. You're right, we couldn't afford him, he was taking up too much room, and can you imagine all the whining?
Anyway, this looks like a good spot. No one will ever find your father's body all the way out here.
So yeah, the joke of the scene is that it's not about abortion at all, but rather about murder. Witty, I know, thank you. So yeah, classes have been fun. No complaints so far. However, as soon as I have them, I know that I'll probably be griping to you all.
Moving on, I have some really good news. I auditioned for the mainstage shows here, and I got in! It's a really good thing, because like everyone auditions for them, and I therefore did not expect to get cast. I'm going to be playing Uncle Pino in The Last Days of Judas Iscariot. I literally have ONE line. "I believe, because it is absurd! It is certain because it is impossible!" Hah, that's it! That's my line! I'll start memorizing right away! I'm certainly not complaining though. I consider myself very lucky to have gotten in at all. PLUS, I am the understudy for the roles of Pontius Pilate and Simon the Zealot. I've been told that there will be two understudy performances, so I guess that means I'll be getting a performance as each character, which is great because they are both fairly large roles. Also, I get to say amazing lines such as, "I mean, after all brotha', it aint like we lookin' to crucify the muthahfuckah!" Gooood stuff. I've never been an understudy before, so I know I'm gonna have to bust my butt doing that. I'm really looking forward to doing it, it's going to be a true learning experience. I'm extremely excited for the show, and it opens in November at Schaeberle Studio in 41 Park Row. Come see it!
Okay, well, I think I'm going to wrap it up now. Yeah, I have more to talk about, but I think that I'll leave it for a later time. How about I just leave you with a check list of things that I've done so far? Sound good? No? Screw you, I'ma do it anyway
- Got into Last Days of Judas Iscariot.
- Went to see Glen Hansard/Marketa Irglova in concert, met them, got a picture and guitar pick.
- Met Jesse L. Martin, the original Tom Collins in RENT and star of Law and Order, and got a picture with him.
- Bought some apple cider and a meaaan (in a good way) baguette.
- Saw Extract, it was so-so.
- Ate White Castle at the joint for the first time. Made me sick for three days. Great coming it.. explosive coming out.
- Sat around in my room in a stupor of self loathing.
- Played guitar.
- Went to see The Toxic Avenger Off-Broadway starring Diana DeGarmo from American Idol. Fantastic, and hilarious.
- Started making up a Christmas list.
- Made food like every night, and therefore have gained in the cooking of cheap food department.
- I feel like there is a lot more that I've done, but it's slipping my mind right now, so I'll get back to you.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
So I attempted to make jam the other day. I got the recipe out of a "Self" magazine that had Zooey Deschanel on the cover. I love her, and she's extremely attractive. It was my first time ever trying to make jam, but what I didn't realize is how long it would take. Three hours! Can you believe that crap? I eventually got fed up near the end that intead of letting the strawberries fully melt, I just mushed them up with my spoon. Oops. Ah well, it still tastes pretty good. I mean, it smells horrendous, but it doesn't taste too bad! Not like that time I made bread. I still don't know what when wrong.
I got this book out of the library called "Ultimate Bread", because it sounded pretty badass. Ultimate Bread? I mean, that's epic. That's saying that there is absolutely NO BREAD better than this bread. I had to make this ultimate bread, I just had to. So I look through the recipes, and if you know me, you know that I have a weakness for baguette. It's the only good thing to come out of France. French people, please ignore the blatant American racism. Thank you. So I attempted to make it, and I followed the directions perfectly, or so I thought. Well, when it came out, it wound up having an almost rock hard crust. Coincidentally, it also looked like a rock. It also tasted like matza. I have no idea how it could taste like matza, because I didn't forget to put in the yeast like those wandering Jewish folks in the desert. It was a sad day. My dreams were crushed. I've never been quite the same.
Still, the jam was pretty good.
I need to go to the store and buy some clothes, but I am so picky when it comes to buying things. I'm like Ebenezer Scrooge with my money, because I hate spending it so much. Seriously, when it costs $50 dollars for a shirt, you are thinking, okay, I just worked a full day to buy this shirt. It's bull crap! That's why I hate buying clothes, and hence why I don't have a huge selection of clothes in my closet. It's not like I don't have the money to buy it.. I just really really don't want to spend it. It's terrible, but I suppose I have to get over it. I'm about to head out to the mall, so we'll see how I do.
Alright you cool cats, thanks for reading. Peace!
But now I do.
Summer has been fun. It's coming to a close now, but I've done quite a bit. I'm not going to go through it all, but I made a lot of money, saw Paul McCartney in concert again, visited Texas, Williamsburg, and Ocean City, waged war with foam weapons, and played a few fun shows. School is sneaking up on me. In about two weeks I'll be back in my cozy little dorm in New York City, not cleaning it, and pulling all nighters to finish my school work. Ah, that'll be the day. I am really excited to go back. Not that I don't like it here, because I do, I just miss the freedom that New York City provides. I can essentially go out and do whatever I want, whenever I want. It's like a huge playground, and I'm like a little kid. Except I have facial hair. And I hate kids.
Well, I'm going to go back and listen to the new CD I just bought, The Hares Corner by Colm Mac Con Iomaire, which is quite good. It's original instrumental Irish violin music. I didn't expect to really be into instrumental music all that much, but hey, it's great. Check it out. Hopefully I'll be back again, and more frequently this time, but no promises.
Now to go work on monologues. Oh joy.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Daniel is one of the greatest actors of our generation. With roles such as Christy Brown in My Left Foot, Bill The Butcher in Gangs of New York, Hawkeye in The Last of the Mohicans, John Proctor in The Crucible, and the iconic Daniel Plainview in Their Will Be Blood, Daniel never fails to amaze. I'll never forget when I first saw him in The Crucible. I was blown away by his talent, and he instantly became one of my favorite actors. I watched more of his movies, but then I saw his best work, There Will Be Blood. He won the Oscar for his role, and deservedly so. His work in the movie was incredible, and inspiring. The entire movie is a character study, and he completely becomes Daniel Plainview. He is even able to make lines such as 'I drink your milkshake!' seem frightening, rather than corny. There Will Be Blood is a fascinating movie, and he gives such a great performance. I rank it as one of my top greatest performances of any actor of all time. If you didn't know that he was playing the role, he would be completely unrecognizable. Such a fantastic actor. I can't wait for his new movie musical 'Nine' to come out. If he can sing, he'll have proven that he can do anything.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
So, it's been quite a while since we've last chatted, hasn't it? I figured that after neglecting you all for so long, it's about time that I come back. Honestly, I really was just too depressed over the big election for me to blog. Honestly, can you believe the outcome? Seriously?
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I WAS NOT ELECTED JUDGE OF THE CIRCUIT COURT! Man, I honestly didn't see that one coming. I voted for myself and was shocked that I didn't win! See, I had mailed in my ballot, so I just assumed that within days after the election, they would announce my victory. That announcement never came, unfortunately. I had a lot of great ideas for how to deal with criminals, but now nobody will ever know the brilliant things I came up with. Let me give you a hint though, hot dogs. Sounds intriguing, right? Well, too bad.
Obviously, I've been up to a lot since the last update. To go into detail would mean this blog entry being pages long, and I honestly don't want to write that, and you don't want to read it. Therefore, I will just say, it's been a blast. I played CB in Dog Sees God, and it was (I feel) the greatest performance that I've ever given. That was the highlight of last semester, I suppose. It also has led me down a different college path, one to which has me now persuing a BFA in Acting and a BA in Directing. Cool, right? I like to think so. Now let me hit you with a little bit of knowledge. At the moment, I am doing laundry. I very much dislike doing laundry, because it takes forever. That measn that I hav eto sit here and wait for the laundry to be done, and I just don't like that. It's not fun.
But you know what is fun? Thorton Wilder's Skin of our Teeth, which is the new show that I am doing at Pace. It's at the Schaeberle Studio, which is our big blackbox in 41 Park Row. My parents will be coming to see that one, and it's going to great. The director is a great guy, and he's also my acting teacher. He has some really really super cool ideas for the show, and if you see it, (which most of you won't), you will be impressed. The cast is great too. Now me, I'm playing 'Bingo Caller', I know, important sounding, right? I have only like three lines, but I'm really happy to just have the chance to be in such a great production. Plus, I have ensemble roles to do, so that should be fun. One of the little bits we have to do is act like a coocoo clock... oh boy.. Come see it. It's April 1-5, I believe. I'll keep you posted if I keep on posting.
Let us talk about American Idol for just a minute. I will be voting for Normund Gentle, and I hope that you'll be doing the same. He is the fool that is on there joking around every single episode, and he is hilarious. He really should win, or the show is obviously rigged. Obviously.
Went to the sex museum the other day on Valentine's Day, and I really wasn't too impressed. It was actually pretty boring. Not really worth my money, I'd say. Oh well. I'm not a huge fan of Valentine's Day. It's just not fun.
Hey, here is a shout out to my brother Aaron. His birthday is coming up on the 19th, so happy birthday, even though I am certain that you won't read this. I really only have like two or three readers, which is unfortunate. Read this, people! You'll have fun! I promise!
Okay, so I want to end this post on a positive note here. I want to talk a little bit about my band, Sponsored By Poverty. You know who we are, right? Good. We just released our new Demo EP, which we recorded with Bob Manzo. You can take a listen to it here: www.myspace.com/sbpmd
We're playing a show at Penguins Down At The iGloo in Maryland on March 15th. Let me know if you want to go, so that I can sell you a ticket. We're also auditioning for America's Got Talent on March 13th, so here's hoping that works out for us. A million bucks would really be nice.
I don't think that I really have anything else to say right now. Take it easy, and peace out.